Seed of Life


Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Theresa

Seed of Life

Pronoia

A Spell to Commit Pronoia
by psychotherapist Jennifer Welwood
(in Pronoia by Rob Brezsny)


Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I am given unimaginable gifts;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is pure delight,
To honor it is true devotion.

Creation

Birth, beginning, inhale, womb, seed, air, Brahma (supreme creative energy of matter) and Sarasvati (goddess of knowledge).


It seems fitting that this an unfinished piece with floating pieces, while I grow my own plumage as a transnational migratory bird. Included are feathers of female peacocks roaming where I meditated, and portions of airmail envelopes sent by my mother in the US to my grandmother in India. As I was growing up, my mother would give me a section of the back of these letters to fill with drawings before sending them to my grandmother, who cherished these bits of our distant realities. The letters outline the challenges of my mother's immigration and one even details my mother’s experience of the “miracle” of my birth as her first child. They trace my first shapes and marks that over time transformed into letters and language. It is a blessed treasure to explore these through the eyes of an adult art therapist, returning to the roots of my own expression.


I also had the honor of observing Kartik Poornima (in October of 2009) at Pushkar Lake and visiting one of the very few Brahma temples that exist in the world.

Preservation

Life, middle, flow, evolution, adaptation, water, Vishnu (pervading presence sustaining and maintaining the universe) and Lakshmi (goddess of wealth).


Scraps of the passage of messages over years, in notes, cards, letters and the stamps tracing their travels around the world. Language blurring between English and Gujarati, gossip, secrets, information and even a little floorplan of one of our many homes we continuously defined and erased, then drew again in a new place. This is a collection of sacred handwritten artifacts from times before the plague of technological distractions.


I journeyed through time and space with my mother, and redefined spirituality for myself during an epic pilgrimage through the beaches and temples of south India (after my grandmother passed away). Here I am handed the paintbrush of an everyday goddess named Parvati, to try my hand at traditional kolam on the floor of the ancient Meenakshi temple in Madurai!

Destruction

Death, disintegration, exhale, ending, fire, Shiva and Kali (both forces of destruction and change).


The broken glass and mirror parallel the disassembled state of inner being that one experiences in ending cycles and patterns. A purging of the darkness I witnessed in everyday life filled with humble and routine sacrifice. Oddly enough, I found very small eggs emerging from the red surface of the handmade Nepali paper, just as I finished re-reading Kafka’s Metamorphosis. A synchronistic (and slightly horrifying) reminder of the rebirth that follows soon after destruction occurs.


I felt this phase strongly while traveling through Calcutta and Sikkim, during which time my grandmother also passed away.

Chakrevolution

The 7 Evolutionary Benefits of Nomadic Travel and/or Burning Man
(corresponding to the 7 universal chakra centers)

1. Muladhara: Recognizing the earth and the cyclical miracles of nature. Finding presence and stability regardless of location in the grand scheme of existence.

2. Swadhisthana: Peace of mind, calm control of thought. Loosening attachments while deepening genuine connections.

3. Manipura: Adaptability of the body and surroundings, place in the universe. Heightened awareness of how little one needs, and how much waste one creates (physical and mental realms).

4. Anahata: Love and self-love. On each level, all directions, in everyday camouflage. Liberation.

5. Visuddha: Communication and expression. Silences and spaces to explore the synthesis of symbols and creative language.

6. Ajna: Visualization-actualization. Manifesting and manipulating reality, while accepting and resolving karma. Purging patterns.

7. Sahasrara: Blissful ascension into alternate realities, gratitude in a balanced, endlessly neutral state.

Boomerang

It is challenging to update and summarize after such a break from technology, from general reality stateside, and especially after such a profoundly transformative journey. I am back in NY and settling in, learning to reconnect with the fast pace, the consumerism, and the cold.

In seven total months of travel in India and Nepal (grand total of over 80 places), I forfeited most technology and accessibility, including the ability to update this blog. However, in return I gained awareness of the messages of the earth, the path of the sun and moon, the identities of plants, and personalities of creatures. Above all, I tuned into my instincts, and I realized that a pattern of migration is what will suit me best in the next phase of my life. A future dream to live in both parts of the world throughout each year is materializing into my present reality.

As I evolved through these travels, my visions have as well. This phase of research/survey before opening a center in India has finished, and I am processing the experiences and preparing for my return to spend more time focused within a maximum of three organizations. I believe a well-researched foundation is necessary in this venture. At the moment, I am applying for funding for materials and expenses as I volunteer myself as an art therapist in a village community center (details to follow).

The perspective upon return allows me to share a more succinct and less predictable presentation of my experiences. Instead of cataloging each city, temple, person, interaction, etc., I will highlight themes and stories (e.g. women, addictions, children, poverty). I will also focus on profiles for organizations without websites or access to many resources, in need of assistance.

Nomad Path

Scanning through my journals over the past five months, I realized that I somehow made it through over 60 cities, towns, and villages in India and Nepal (listed below). I traveled by foot, bicycle, motorbike, scooter, car/taxi, jeep, van, bus, truck, pedal/motor rickshaw, tractor, horse, boat, plane, and train.

INDIA: Delhi, Rishikesh, Gorakhpur, Calcutta, Babughat, Howrah, Radhanagar, Lochipur, Ghatal, Digha, Jalpagiri, Siliguri, Darjeeling, Gangtok, Rumtek, Mirik, Guwahati, Mumbai, Baroda, Ankleshwar, Surat, Bharuch, Trivandrum, Kovalam Beach, Kanyakumari, Madurai, Rameshwaram, Danushkodi, Pondicherry, Auroville, Mahabalipuram, Kanchipuram, Chennai, Goa: Panaji, Arambol, Vagator, Anjuna, Calangute

NEPAL: Kathmandu, Patan, Bhaktapur, Pokhara, Jomsom, Mustang, Lupra, Muktinath, Jharkot, Kagbeni, Marpha, Tukuche, Lete, Dana, Kalopani, Ghasa, Tatopani, Beni, Sirubadi, Chitwan, Lumbini, Siddharthanagar, Bhairawa, Butwal, Sunauli

Alas, I am already off to the next set of adventures, and again, I do not know when I will be able to update properly. Each place, each person, each moment seems to teach me more about where I am headed. The nature of this path is that it can barely be captured in progress, though I hope that my vision will soon be one you can also see.

Corruption

A general note on a persistent and universal issue which I have witnessed in both India and Nepal. It is understandable that competition amongst the masses is a ruthless Darwinian display of greed for survival. Income is generated at every possible expense, and it is an unfortunate truth which is locally accepted but often is otherwise unknown. A majority of NGOs, social service organizations, schools, and other institutions are fundamentally corrupt. I hope not to offend too many, and rather open a few generous eyes.

In the average NGO (non-government organization), there is often one main individual who began the effort, one can only hope with good intentions. I surmise that these intentions can become blurry when faced with those so accustomed to recieving less, and hefty donations to handle. The majority might consist of a scenario such as the following. Picture a wealthy individual with glorified name, driving a Mercedes-Benz, while a few dozen stage orphans (their living parents are too poor to pay for their education) greet visitors in smiles and ragged scraps covered in bodily fluids and dirt, quite obviously neglected in even basic healthcare. There is something quite revealing in the eyes of these children which led me to investigate these situations more deeply. Most difficult to witness is the routine performances for guests (often labeled "cultural shows") which more formally guilt foreigners into donating money. The income is of course pocketed by that main invidividual, and only reaching the "destitute/poor/underprivileged" by miracle or mistake. In essence, these efforts often are a martyr-like facade for a business like any other.

This one person, if genuinely dedicated to the betterment of others, as priority above their own financial benefit, will eventually burn out from the full sacrifice of their life, blood, sweat, and tears. The effort is therefore sustained only by their own determination to continue, though they are often remain just shy of the resources needed to make a significant difference. Please note that these efforts mostly cannot afford a website (let alone a computer). I will focus on openly detailing information about these efforts and I hope to possibly create or join an existing network to further support them.

My goal is not to directly expose each corrupt organization, as this would take a lifetime, and my energy is better directed elsewhere. I simply hope to heighten awareness, and aid those with finances to share in thinking twice before doing so, and deciding in person if possible. Do not be shy to ask questions about money, and please follow your instinct before opening your wallet.

Rajnika

After Nepal, I spent a few months in northeast India, including one month in my own local apartment in Gangtok, Sikkim. Unfortunately, my grandmother in Gujarat became ill during this time. My mother rushed from Colorado and I from Sikkim, but we both missed seeing her alive. After her cremation, we spent 13 days in elaborate Hindu rituals before releasing her ashes.

Coming full circle, as the deadline of 09/09/09 set for the miniature book project approached (see previous post), I chose to name the effort in her honor: RAJNIKA BOOK BRIDGE. I am now excitedly treasuring the incoming books from those closest (and most distant) to me.
Rajnika Manharlal Shroff
June 18th, 1929 - August 10th, 2009

Process


It has been harder to maintain this blog than I imagined it would be. I am eager to share my experiences, but as any traveller knows, it is impossible to capture the entirety of each moment; to describe or document every sensation, memory, interaction, connection. It is difficult to determine what would be most interesting to those who read these words, especially in this age of excessive information. And I will admit I have been both disappointed and relieved by the poor internet access in most areas. While it is harder to keep in touch or up to date, it has been a refreshing withdrawal from technology to intimate journal spaces filled with my handwriting and drawings. I am always open to suggestions, and please be patient as return to the past to highlight the journey.


Danger & Art

In a place where the dense population renders life disposable, I survived countless life-threatening situations in Nepal. I remember the fierce sun, gusty winds, and jingling bells on the horse I rode through rocky Himalayan valleys. The echoes of our yelling and laughter on jeep rooftops while bouncing up narrow mountain roads. Spontaneously, I trekked long distances without even a map through monsoon rains. And there was also one very scary night on IV drip in a local hospital.

I also found myself living my dream of helping others much sooner than I thought would be possible. It has become clear that teaching art may be a necessary predecessor to art therapy in these communities. In a remote village called Sirubadi, I taught art to local children who had never seen or used colored paints before. We covered mudhouse walls inside the house where I stayed, using banana leaves as palettes, and hand signals as communication. In Lumbini, near the Indian border, I designed and painted outdoor signage for a rehabilitation center, specializing in care for HIV/AIDS patients with addiction issues.


More details from these two months in Nepal and a lot of photos will be posted soon.

Nepal

Two months after entering Nepal, it is overwhelming to attempt capturing my surreal experiences here. Unexpectedly, I completely fell in love with the culture, the people, the spirituality, and the landscape in this profoundly magical place.

I first came here to travel briefly with a friend from New York, which was challenging but exhilarating. Seeing my reflection in a travel partner forced me to evolve and adapt quickly.

Through a willingness to adventure freely in a foreign yet familiar land, I found myself in several remote mountain villages where electricity and telephones are a luxury. Learning directly about a simple and humble way of life has completely changed my own interaction with the world.

Local hospitality, openness, and a face which happens to resemble those of the indigenous people, have made this journey unique and unforgettable. Below is the motorbike which miraculously delivered me to many places in Nepal (I was not the driver!)


Delhi

The capital of India, I can confidently say, is not a place I plan to live. Fortunately, I stayed with the extended family of a close friend (you know who you are, THANK YOU!), but I found the city bleak and uninviting. However, I did visit a local school, Balwant Rai in Greater Kailash II, and spoke briefly with a social worker there. There is a possibility I will return and introduce art therapy in some of the classes once the school resumes from their summer break.

While visiting a few temples, darshan (auspicious ceremony) took place just as I arrived at each one. Akshardham (supposedly the largest Hindu temple complex in the world), the ISKCON temple, and a smaller local Kali mandhir were amongst those I visited. Photos of both Rishikesh and Delhi are now uploaded on my Flickr page.

Rishikesh

My journey began as I landed in Delhi and took direct transportation to a northern area of India called Rishikesh. This scenic and spiritual location was the backdrop for two weeks of intensive Kriya Yoga meditation practice.

Most visitors experience significant cultural shock in India, being overwhelmed by the bombardment of stimulation to the senses. Having visited a handful of times before with family, I found that in this first trip alone, I actually enjoy this stimulation (perhaps why I could handle living in NYC for 8 years). Regardless, the meditation retreat offered the perfect space to process and transition properly into life in the East.

Without getting into the details of the actual meditation practice, I will share that I experienced intense and clear visions of this center I hope to build. In between meditations, I would paint and draw these visions, including one below:

Identity

My parents were both born in the northwestern state in India called Gujarat. Once married, they moved to the US (about 30 years ago), bringing only two suitcases each with them. I was born in Colorado but moved over 20 times, mostly within the US. Interestingly, at about the same age that they moved to the US, I am now moving to India, with only two bags of my worldly possessions.

Gujarati and English were both spoken in our family home, so I am fortunate to understand at least this language. I am learning Hindi, which is more widely spoken throughout India. It is interesting that Gujarati, Hindi, Nepali (and even Russian, I recently discovered) all have similar roots in Sanskrit, an ancient source I also hope to study at some point.

It is confusing and exhilarating to be here, and I especially enjoy selectively blending in with the local people instead of just being a tourist. I find myself having long conversations with foreigners as I transition into life here, and gradually making more local connections everywhere I go.

(The photo is of myself, dressed up as Krishna when I was younger. My brother threw a tantrum, and somehow I found myself in the unlikely position of being adorned as a male god figure).

India!

I made it! So much to share about the first few weeks in Rishikesh and Delhi, but a quick update was best summarized by some signage I found:

(I love my India!)

Vision

Moving closer to realizing my vision, I am moving to India in one week. It has been a very challenging process to uproot myself from attachments to the people, places, and possessions in my life. I have been tempted and discouraged and offered dozens of reasons not to leave, but the path is undeniable, so here I go…!

The importance of these connections, however, has also informed a developing project idea. Some of my first favorite moments in art school at Parsons in NYC were spent perusing beautiful papers and materials from around the world at New York Central. I recently found a colorful miniature set of 10 handmade books there. In leaving, I am distributing these to people in my life, and asked them to return the blank books to me filled with their words, art, inspirations, dreams, etc. by 09/09/09.


And then I realized that this idea, on a larger scale, has the potential to bring people together in a profound way. Through an international penpal book exchange, people will form expanding and healing connections. My work in publishing, my experience in art therapy, and especially the thesis work with positive women in Uganda and New York documented here, all have led to this point. I can already envision at least one colorful library where these books will collect an expressive census of humanity.

Many have been asking how I arrived to such a state of clarity and determination in my life, and while a deepening spirituality has become more important, I can briefly offer the following. Spend time alone, away from distractions, and reflect on the simple essence of who you are regardless of all that surrounds you. Dream that impossible dream, and once you leap, a net will appear to help you make that dream materialize.

As always, I am open to questions/suggestions/contacts, here or by email. Thank you to everyone supporting me on this journey. ॐ

Intention

In addition to the thesis follow-up, I would also like to use this space to set intention for a relevant dream for my future.


While experiencing great clarity and focus on a 10-day silent meditation retreat in Thailand this summer (Suan Mokhh), a vision appeared strongly to me. The synthesis of years of work here in the US, I realized it is time for me to return to my Indian heritage. HIV/AIDS is an undeniable global crisis, and though Africa is being highlighted for its staggering statistics, India is also struggling to simply spread awareness.

I have been fortunate to gain very specialized knowledge of the experience of individuals living with HIV/AIDS, while being an art therapist to infected children, adolescents, and women in the New York area. I feel a strong duty and purpose in applying this knowledge in work with these populations, in India. My dream is to build a center offering art therapy, a safe space for children and women with HIV/AIDS in India.

I will continue to post elaboration on this goal in all forms here, and I hope to receive feedback and form connections to make this dream possible.